How did we get there?
How did we get here? It’s so irresponsible of us – “Decide whether you are going to eat your peas, or not have dessert” … sure! But life decisions? Surely not?
How have we become so influenced to become such powerless parents?
We are giving our children far too much choice at an age when they do not know what is best for them. Parental decisions are being posed to children to keep them happy… so that we don’t make them sad, insist that they honour their commitments or have to discipline them – because we don’t like our children to be disappointed or unhappy. I get that.
We have, however, given up our authority, and responsibility, to our children and made them Boss Children. They don’t want to be Boss… they WANT you to be. It makes them feel safe and secure.
I am not sure when or how this happened but from experience I found myself negotiating with my 5 year old daughter about whether she wanted to do ballet or kickboxing (or something similar). I was asking HER to make decisions she could not be expected to have the foresight, experience or physical brain-decision making skill yet. This was MY decision – to act in her best interests. In other words, take responsibility and be the Boss Parent. I know “Boss” is probably not the right word but it describes the relationship expectations so perfectly.
When the Boss Child Dynamic is the game-play, negotiations start when they don’t want to do ballet anymore – like trying to make them see out at least a term of an extra-mural when they don’t like it anymore… surely it’s traumatic? No, it’s not. It builds stamina. Disappointment and insisting on pushing through is good for your child. Don’t spare your child the opportunity to live up to your expectations.
While on the subject of chores, I found this lovely post from momooze which will be wonderful for children who can read.
Please click to join the Manners4Minors Parent Empowerment Group and feel free to leave a message if you have something specific you would like me to work on with you or discuss with like-minded adults.
Next session:
You are not alone
