This “live your passion” nonsense is driving people mad!! What a load of rubbish. It is resulting in masses of young adults standing paralyzed, wide-eyed, on the brink of adulthood, saying “Dude, I haven’t found my purpose yet”. Thing is, you don’t find your purpose. You DO purpose when you have BECOME your purpose – not the other way around.
Do I love what I do? Yes. BUT I worked for it and was a culmination of a multitude of mistakes, risk-taking, bad decisions, personal growth and hours of passionate input in areas that I was not necessarily passionate about. As a Director of a business, I have scrubbed toilets (staff doesn’t arrive, stuff happens). I did not know about RAS at that stage, but I obviously must have implemented this somewhere in my sub-conscious it if I look back.
This purpose/passion thing is not an Ah-Ha moment or constant state of being. Stop waiting and looking for it. It is created with what you have now, and not dependent upon the economy, skills-set, history or any extraordinary circumstances.
I am seeing a client who, in his mid-40s, hasn’t found his passion and what he loves to do. He has consistently moved jobs and not fulfilled the expectations of the job at hand because it doesn’t fulfill the passion factor. He has, also, been led to believe that an ordinary life is a failure and unless he is living in bliss, he is doing something wrong. This has resulted in a failed marriage, career and perceived disappointment at life itself. He is a victim of illusion. We are bombarded by Illusion Sellers and, in order for them to be their own success, they need to make us feel inferior so that we “buy” into their theory and quick formula for success. This is obviously a generalisation and I am enthused by MANY who seek fulfillment and fearlessly embark on the journey of SELF-fulfillment and share it with me.
When I asked what my client what he wanted, he simply could not answer. He referred to the lives of others that he aspired to emulate.
Firstly, these people may indeed be living their purpose but the cost and actual passion percentage of what they do are not divulged. All he sees is the fame and success! Don’t get me wrong – I test and sometimes use the methods. I just insist that my inspirers influence me with hope. they are not, however, ME – and therefore don’t have MY roadmap. I do not allow them to make me feel less, but rather use their experience to focus my RAS on the fact that if someone has accomplished something I aspire to, so can I. You have a mission to be more than you are now and these exemplary people (the ones I choose to influence me) are there to inspire – not to compare myself to.
Secondly, one of the names my client mentioned, I happened to know – let’s call him “A”. My client’s perception and constant comparing of this successful individual, “A”, was way off. He chose to see what he wanted to. When we discussed the actual facts of “A” and popped some ILLUSION bubbles, “A” is working HARD, he is committed, he adjusts his lifestyle to do what he does, he has had to step out of his comfort zone and he has definitely faced his fears and is prepared to be rejected. He definitely is not an overnight success and, without doubt, has had to suck it up and do what was necessary. His RAS was set and he headed for it “with passion and enthusiasm”.
It’s not a passion-filled venture but a venture taken on with passion!
My client has done none of this and withdraws at the slightest push out-of-comfort-zone (because he has endless blame and excuses for being there – and keeping himself there), sometimes purposefully getting himself fired rather than be tested on his limits or ability. This is not a weak response but rather one of panic and fear that has been purposely seeded in our society. The effects of not living up to the illusion for this beautiful, generous, gentle, sensitive soul have been disastrous … and repeated for 20 odd years. WITHOUT QUESTION.
We discovered that he has pretended to be “successful” for the same number of years. What a waste of potential. This pretense takes a huge amount of energy leaving a shortage to invest in becoming his true self (which would probably amount to the same thing, but with a different energy obviously). He is what he pretends to be, except has taken a shortcut and so has not developed habits which allow him to integrate, solidify and become this version of himself. When you take this shortcut, the “undeserving” monster is consistently on your shoulder because you know that you know.
Why do we constantly invest our time and energy into living up to the illusion of someone else’s life? I guarantee you there is stuff there you have not considered: fear, personal challenges, heartache and, surprise! … this person is going through the same cycle as you EXCEPT his RAS is different. Instead of staying in the state of lack and comparison, “A” is taking what he wants and focusing on a different outcome.
This passion-discovery journey – it ain’t pretty, it ain’t easy and it definitely ain’t passion-filled – it’s a lot of personal discomforts and being prepared to fail, and fail again. This is where your individual passion, purpose-filled success dream is reached. The joy comes later and only in smaller doses than you are being led to believe.
Please take the time to assess the gurus and influencers without the cheerleading and props. They are often simply selling the impression of a lifestyle – By making you feel less, they are able to sell their illusion. 99% of the time they will be “selling” a formula. They DON’T HAVE YOUR FORMULA. By all means, take what you want and use it, and there are obviously genuinely motivated influencers out there, but don’t buy-in until you have asked Good Questions. The behind-the-scenes reality of these “successful” people is often a stressed, displayed and calculated process. Their livelihood depends on it.
I was at a workshop not too long ago where a young man has succeeded in selling himself. Nothing more, nothing less. He purports to have the recipe for you to do the same. As I watched from a different viewpoint than the masses (and scarily, there were a lot of people) I noticed the build-up to his entrance, the display of bodyguards (really?), the music, the images of him with famous people and I listened to the crowd roar. Although the workshop was free, somewhere in the presentation where he shares some of his experience (constantly looking at his watch because his time is ever so valuable and we are really honoured to be in his presence), he offers a ONE-TIME ONLY price of a couple of thousand for a DVD – and stock is limited. People ran to queue! I am not slating this – and maybe one day my rantings will be published and there will be an asking price – who knows, but what I do ask is that you ask Good Questions regarding your source of motivation.
Do I want to purchase a DVD for an absolutely exorbitant fee and fly to the USA to get a pic with a celebrity (which, according to the source, will give me credibility and instantly boost my ability to sell myself and/or my business). No. I don’t want to sell myself. I want to BE myself and benefit in ways that I am not yet aware of. What this model is almost guaranteeing is that YOU will think more of ME, and I will have more influence over you, because I have a photo with a famous person. Your assumption will immediately be that I AM SUCCESSFUL. Think about this a little. We have been trained to make these associations. You are not alone. Trillion-Dollar businesses depend on this.
The current thinking and ability of the thousands of “success gurus” out there to purposefully (perhaps not maliciously and with good intent) place you in comparison and lack can, and does, have a reverse debilitating effect if you don’t take control and responsibility giving yourself time to process the advice thoroughly for YOURSELF.
The Illusion Sellers are not to blame. They are simply capitalizing on an opportunity and are well within their rights. Had they not prepared themselves through DOING and focusing their RAS on their own particular flavour of success, they would not have the opportunity to take advantage of the market. We are the buyers and there is a huge demand.
Here’s the thing: “Living your passion” as it has been presented ACTUALLY DOESN’T EXIST. It’s hard work, hours, rejection, facing fear, moving out of your comfort zone, consistently developing yourself, learning and FAILING and FAILING and FAILING and learning. It is definitely not a state of permanent euphoria.
My formula is this :
“DO” first with passion, belief, and hope, from exactly where you are, with what you have now, placing your RAS into “assumption” mode without FOF. Be aware of the moments of success where purpose is fulfilled. Simple, but not easy. You have within you the exact skills, resources, and roadmap or you would not have the goal.
In a soccer match, the fleeting seconds of scoring a goal (which is the purpose/passion) is a minuscule moment compared to the hard work involved in the 90 minute game. We do not necessarily process the practice sessions, injuries, sitting on the bench and all the sacrifice and dedication involved in the goal – Such is life! Go score….